Being renewed by love, and beginning your life all over again, are one and the same interior action. It starts with becoming aware of, and then bringing a conscious end to all lingering relationships you may have with old thoughts and feelings that want you to keep seeing your life through their eyes.

The following Q&A contains helpful insights for starting over in your relationships.

Question: I feel as if I’m stuck in a kind of purgatory. On one hand I’ve just entered into a relationship with a wonderful new man, and I want to embrace this opportunity — love him — as fully as I know I’m capable of doing. On the other hand, I’d have never met this man if it weren’t for a real jerk crushing my heart less than a few months ago. My dilemma is this: I can see I’m afraid to let go and trust my new partner, but I know that if I don’t, then our love will have no way to grow. Help!

Answer: Your patient study of the next insight will show you why we must have a new set of eyes to help us see through the lie behind these kinds of fears, as well as the way they mislead us into the very situation we hope to avoid.

When it comes to any form of (psychological) fear . . . the “feel” is real, but the “why” is a lie. In this instance, can you see that whatever fear you feel now — telling you of dark hours to come — doesn’t exist without some part of you imagining, revisiting the very past that you hope not to relive? And then, the same unconscious mind, the one responsible for projecting this pain, goes on to tell you how to escape the very fear that it’s created!

You can’t change this painful dream by trying to protect yourself from it, or by trying to control the unwanted moment that it projects. There’s only one way to end this kind of nightmare, and that’s to shake yourself awake and out of the dream that’s causing it.

Question: I’ve always known that I may be too hardheaded for my own good, and that I’m as responsible for bumping heads with my wife as I want to blame her for running into me. On top of this, it seems I’m unable to drop any argument with her until she admits that it was her fault for getting it started. I know this can’t be right. But even though I’m beginning to suspect that my view of these things may be mistaken, I seem helpless to do otherwise. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Answer: It’s impossible to change these conditions until you begin to recognize the unconscious parts of yourself responsible for their continuation. So, with that in mind, but only if you really want to see the real cause of this conflict between you, here’s a three word solution guaranteed to change these contentious moments between the two of you. The next time you start to find something to blame, just think to yourself: “Maybe I’m wrong.” And then really consider that you might be. Deliberately taking time to see your own state of mind in these moments is the same as choosing to see that — regardless of how you want to justify it — negativitynever knows what’s right.